and it's goodbye time.

Camp is over... can you believe it?

Today was our graduation day for the girls and some of their families came.

They did the dances we have taught and showed off their tae kwon do. We all broke some wood! We summer missionaries sang some songs for them (Justin Bieber, of course - we sang "baby, baby, baby, ooooooh" to them and they all got up and danced with us - fun fun fun) and Kendall and Lauren did a rap for them- very funny. Then we handed out their certificates to them, their families all ate lunch and they headed out.

I don't know how else to say it other than I have just been kind of sad all day. It hit me while watching them do their dances that everything we worked at this summer has come to today, and it is all over. Watching the girls dance and listening to the words to the song "I Wish," which one of the dances was to just really brought me to tears. I'll post them. It really is our prayer for these girls

I wish I could paint your world so beautifulI wish I could make it rightBut of all the things I could ever wish for youI wish this more than life
Love the Lord with all your heartWith all your soulYour mind and strength
If I could give you back your innocenceAnd if I could turn back timeIf I could heal you of all the broken promisesStill the greatest thing in life
is love the Lord with all your heartWith all your soulYour mind and strength...
I was just watching them dance and praying for them... that God will protect them in the midst of the homes that many of them live in, with drugs and violence and abuse. I love these girls... and my heart is heavy that I won't see them anymore. But I also know that practically I am pretty exhausted and many more weeks of this would be so difficult. New Orleans, you have become a home to me. I only have a few more days this time, but I will be back! Now is time to take advantage of the time I have left with these wonderful ladies!

god turns sauls into pauls...

that was pretty much the synopsis of our small group time today.

I'm going to try to make this short because I am really tired (but that probably won't work).

Many of the questions the girls ask during small group time tend to revolve around the issue of "what if a person does this..." and "but what if you have a man who is in jail because he did this... and what is going to happen to him when he dies?" And I try to be intentional about getting them to understand that it isn't about what we DO, but where our faith and devotion lies.

...but I Thought since they have these kind of questions, I should share with them about a man whose life God radically changed. A man who called himself the "worst of all sinners". Yep, I told them all about Paul today.

Using lots of Scripture from Acts, I described to them the murderer that Paul was before encountering Christ, what happened when he encountered Christ, how his reaction was to being preaching the gospel, and the extreme influence he has had on the church - how God chose to use him specifically.

We discussed it in lots and lots of detail that I won't go into because it would take quite some time, and then I discussed how in 1 Timothy Paul says that because he is the worst of all sinners, he is an example to all believers of Christ's unfailing patience. I explained to them in detail that if God chose to save Paul and change his heart and life, he can do that for anyone.

One of my girls that I have gotten pretty close with started asking everyone if she was a Christian, and then asked me how to know if you are a Christian. So after I let everyone else out, I stayed and talked to her in detail about salvation, what it means to believe, trust, have faith in Christ, and also what it means to really make him lord over your life. We kind of went through that together, and I asked her if she did those things... did she believe and trust that Christ was God and had the power in his death to forgive sins? Did she believe in the resurrection? Does she live to try to please God and not her selfish, sinful nature? Then we talked about the fruits of the spirit in Galatians and how your desires change when God comes into your life and how that is shown. We talked about how one of the most amazing parts of salvation is not only getting into heaven but getting to know God and how you do that through prayer and reading his word.

And let me tell you, it felt so good the entire time talking to her. The spirit was just so encouraging and confirming for me the genuineness of the conversation and of her heart.

We prayed together, which was such a huge blessing, I told her that I loved her and how much I am going to miss her.

And that is so true... my heart has been really burdened today thinking of tomorrow being our last "real" day of camp... Friday is the graduation celebration deal when the families come. Reality is setting in that I won't be seeing these girls anymore.

I made Noodles, the girl I talked and prayed with a lot today, promise that she would write me... that better happen!

(told ya it wouldn't be short!!)

as for god, his way is perfect.

i was blessed today with another very good day. we had to send another girl home at one point, which of course is never fun, but the way i am choosing to look at it is that at least it is the last week and they got to enjoy it thus far. and there are so many other girls here - we can't allow someone to miss out because of someone else. and my prayer is that the discipline won't be in vain, but that she will come back next year with a different attitude, you know? and i think that is certainly a good possibility.

but i was very encouraged by my small group time today.

i decided a long time ago, and told the lord, i wanted to leave camp knowing that the girls understand the truth of the gospel - the real salvation story...

not the gospel mixed with superstition and voodoo, which permeates much of their learning.

our summer verse has been the first part of luke 10:27 - "love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind."

so this week courtney is doing devotions and breaking it up, talking about what it means to love with your heart, then your soul, and so on and so forth.

so today i presented this question to the girls: "why should we love god?"

i mean, in my mind, that is a fundamental question, especially for girls from the inner city, born into poverty and crime ridden homes.

so we answered this question with 1 john 4:19 - "we love because he first loved us."

then the question, "how do we know god loves us?"

then the answer, romans 5:8 - "but god demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, christ died for us."

so through that we talked about the gospel, i presented the salvation story to them, using the bridge diagram and there were lots of good questions. we really took it apart and talked about things from the fall, to how you get saved, to how you know the bible is true and jesus really came and died, to what baptism is and the purpose of baptism.

it was just so nice. i don't know a better way to put it - to be able to hear their questions and explain these things to them using tons of scripture.

i felt purpose in it all. like the spirit was really working. you know that feeling?

i just want to be faithful to the word of god, to the gospel, to christ.

and the gospel feels so good coming out of your mouth.

sweet sweet girls

good day, good day indeed

for our long weekend off, we hung out at kay's house in slidell... a suburb ( i guess ) about thirty minutes away.

we relaxed by the pool about all weekend, watched a bunch of movies, ate junk food... it was a wonderful sleepover.

it wasn't complete because casie had to go home for a few days for a wedding... so when we left sunday we went to pick her up, got dinner, and went back to creole creamery to get some ice cream because it was NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY, duh. and that is a day i WILL celebrate.

i'm telling you... i love these girls. there are so many ways it is going to be so hard to leave next week. our camp girls, the missionaries, the staff, the city itself. i'm not allowed to think about it until this weekend. so i'm gonna stop now.

a ministry group called get real has been here since friday and they did camp today. it was such a blessing to us... they have a group of musicians in their group so they set up and played for the girls, served them breakfast, taught them about jamaica, did dances with them.

and our girls were so good today. it was just fun. we got to enjoy being with one another again... it was the best day in a very long time. so yes, good good day. i'm praying that we will be able to have a good week to go out on.

torn

so yesterday our girls were just wild and completely disrespectful. i think i understand the cycle:

they are wild, we have to holler over them to tell them to hush and try to get them to do what we are asking them to do, they feel threatened or hurt or offended, they put up walls (which are communicated through extreme attitudes) and those walls are up. this is what they have been taught, what they have been raised in.

and it infiltrates to the whole group, minus a few.

my small group time was the worst it has ever been, to the point of the girls almost being mean to me, which I know they don't mean, but in the heat of the moment they feel like they have to be defensive of themselves so it gets communicated in a rude, mean way. one of the girls i am closest to i have had to constantly get on, and i gave her chance after chance until i was blue in the face from it.

through dance, group time, game time, "relaxing," nutrition class... they were all very rude, and they all know better.

it got to the point where we had to do something other than empty threats. we had sent girls home because of different things and having those examples did nothing. and earlier that morning, kay had threatened to cancel friday's fun activities if we had to tell the girls to chill as a group again. of course, they were told at least ten times just in nutrition class to hush.

so we decided to cancel camp not only friday, but today as well. hopefully the time off will give them time to chill and they will come back monday and be able to have a good last week.

it is just so discouraging, you know? you see these girls that you love so much and it is just this continuous cycle of disrespect, attitude, and when you feel like perhaps you are getting through to them, you seem to take five steps back.

it makes me want to be able to stay in their lives forever, and try harder, do something.

i just want to do something.

"no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful; later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." hebrews 12:11

so....

the past two days have been such encouraging days for me. to be quite honest, both mornings I have woken up and just felt desperate for the Lord's strength and will, seeing the days as looming ahead, and losing sight of the joy I have with the girls.

both mornings I have prayed for the Lord to give me his perspective and to renew the joy I have of just being with the girls. after last week, I think I was just exhausted and stretched kind of thin.

but both yesterday and today, I have found such enjoyment throughout the day of just seeing the girls for who they are and laughing with them. and of course, we still have to get on to them or whatever, but i have just genuinely enjoyed them again.

hey, did i mention we went to the swamp sunday? saw some alligators! but there was oil in the water at the swamp... which means it has to be pretty bad to have made it through all the plants and everything to the boardwalk where we were walking.

baby gator!

really just pray for these girls... so many of them are so empty of hope and so used to living in the mess they see everyday. pray that God reveals the true hope he brings to them... be it through this camp or through some other vessel... I don't much care... I just want them to see Him for who He is. you know?

many aspire, few attain

in light of the experiences and emotions i have been dealing with lately, reading this yesterday was a huge comfort... encouragement... well i'm not sure what the right word is, but anyway, here ya go, from "many aspire, few attain":

"involvement in this spiritual warfare is a voluntary thing. it's our choice. in ancient israel, before going to war, the officers said to the people, "what man is there that is fearful and fainthearted? let him go and return unto his house, lest his brethren's heart faint as well as his heart" (deuteronomy 20;8). involvement in spiritual warfare is voluntary as well.

the apostle paul writes that a soldier must endure suffering and hardship if he plans on getting into battle (2 timothy 2:3). the spiritual battle is a battle for keeps. don't enter it unless you plan on winning. don't enter it unless you plan on giving your life totally to it. don't enter it unless you plan on suffering and enduring hardship because your adversary the devil and his legions of demons play dirty. they fight rough. they give no quarter.

but christ in you is greater than he that is in the world (1 john 4:4). and you are on the winning side. you can take refuge and consolation in that, but it is dirty, rough warfare - and the deeper you get into it, the meaner and nastier it gets. men come and go, and the attrition rate in the christian life is absolutely horrendous. in the final analysis, many aspire but few attain. many begin well, but precious few end well." -walter a. hendrichsen

pajama day and the view of the city from the ferry

oak alley plantation