Today

Today:

Probably the roughest day of camp so far, behavior wise.

My heart just aches over the way these girls treat each other and us. They are so mean to one another and so disrespectful towards us. We have really been dealing with it for the past few weeks heavily, and I don’t understand why it is, other than it is the way most of them have been taught at home, and schools certainly do nothing about it.

We have been told, both by staff, and by some of the campers themselves, that this group is the most wild and disrespectful yet.

I have had to be really stern, to the point of pretty much yelling today, with them. Sometimes it is the only way to communicate to 30-something girls who are all yelling and being ugly to one another. And they have to see that they have to listen to us.

It can just be hard because we want camp to be fun and I struggle because I just want them to know I love and care about them, but I know that discipline is necessary, and that shows that we care as well.

This afternoon they were just so bad and saying hurtful things to one girl in particular while we were trying to play a game, and they wouldn’t listen to any of us, so Kay came in and ended camp early.

Today was already kind of an emotionally trying day for me. A girl came to me this morning telling me some really heavy news. Kay has a relationship with this girl already, and it was information she needed to know, so I went to talk to Kay about it and we ended up talking for a while, and part of me has really just been feeling so badly for the fact that I will be leaving soon, and leaving these girls. And I guess I am just sad, both because I will be leaving , and because I can’t just change them or change their lives or rescue them. You know?

So overall, today has just been a trying day.

It is a weird place to be, you know? Being torn like this. A huge chunk of me longs for home and loved ones at home, but a huge chunk of my heart is here with these girls. And it is going to be really difficult, but that’s good, right? I mean I’m glad I love them the way I do.

Anyway, God is good. ALL THE TIME.

fire

Sunday after watching the sun rise and all, we came back, slept for a while… that afternoon we went down to the Quarter where they were having lots of music and stuff for the fourth. We saw the Treme Brass Band, a pretty well-known brass band here in NOLA. They start playing in one spot and then walk through the city playing, and a crowd gathers and follows them. It was very neat to see. There are these guys called dancing men who dance around while the band plays and get people from the crowd to dance with them and stuff. It was very cool.

THEN we went to the river, after Kendall and I snuck through a fence to go through the wharf warehouse to the other side where it was SO pretty and then running from the cops because it was definitely very illegal for us to be there, but hey you only live once, right? (turns out it was more dangerous than we thought because that is where a lot of people do drug deals, and the cops are super corrupt and sometimes have drug deals there too…) to watch the fireworks.

And let me tell you, they were the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen… being on the river adds a lot to it I think, and the bridge is in the background… they have these two huge boats that shoot the fireworks off at the same time – one on this side of the bridge and the other on the other side… they call them the Dueling Barges Fireworks. Anyway, there were some that were huge and fell all the way onto the river. Gorgeous.

Monday, we did a WalMart/Sams run, had McAlisters, and then Kay took us over the Causeway, which is the 24-mile long bridge that runs over Lake Pontchartrain…that’s right, 24 miles, so at one point you are completely in the middle of the lake and all you can see is water on either side of you. And it is awesome. We got some PJ’s Coffee (another NOLA local place), came home and chilled.

Amurrica

After watching the sunrise on the Mississippi and sleeping for a while,

that afternoon we went down to the Quarter where they were having lots of music and stuff for the fourth. We saw the Treme Brass Band, a pretty well-known brass band here in NOLA. They start playing in one spot and then walk through the city playing, and a crowd gathers and follows them. It was very neat to see. There are these guys called dancing men who dance around while the band plays and get people from the crowd to dance with them and stuff. It was very cool.

parading in the quarter and the dancing man

THEN we went to the river to watch the fireworks! And let me tell you, they were the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen… being on the river adds a lot to it I think, and the bridge is in the background… they have these two huge boats that shoot the fireworks off at the same time – one on this side of the bridge and the other on the other side… they call them the Dueling Barges Fireworks. Anyway, there were some that were huge and fell all the way onto the river. Gorgeous.

uhhhhhhhhhhpdate

I hate when I don’t blog in forever because then I have an annoying amount to write.

Let’s see... last week we spent a lot of time talking about self-image, relationships, self-respect and things of that nature. The girls were really attentive and I think genuinely into what we were talking about. I got them to write a lot of stuff in their journals that they will be taking home, so hopefully one day they will actually open it back up and look at some of the information we gave them about good and bad signs of relationships, things they want to do with their life, etc.

(it's kind of scary how well this shirt fits her...)

Then we had a four day weekend for the 4^th.

My weekend consisted of a lot of fun stuff… especially the part where I slept in a lot. That was beautiful. I missed seeing the girls after a couple of days, but having time to rejuvenate was so wonderful.

Saturday we ate and shopped in the French Quarter.
Oh! This is something to write about:

Sunday morning we got up and left around 5 AM to walk to the river to watch the sunrise. We stopped at Café du Monde (my favorite place to get coffee ever) and got café au laits and beignets and sat on the steps that go down to the water and watched the sun rise, and we all had our own Bible time. It was beautiful, really.

I'll post a separate blog about the afternoon...

a couple of very emotional days this week... but it was a great week. really, no matter what happens, i can't say any day is a bad day, because it is always a blessing to spend the days with the girls (although weekends are MUCH appreciated).

ms kang teaching how to make pot holders. she is the one who teaches us tae kwon do.

we went to the circus!!! it was so much fun... hadn't been since i was very young. there is so much to watch, i was a little overwhelmed.

cotton candy! we really did revert to childhood.

for our field trip we went to the stennis space center in mississippi, where they test all the engines that go into rockets.

dalyn wanted to wear my sunglasses. after joking around with her for a few minutes, she stuck to me the rest of the day... and i loved it... she is the cutest thing.

the lord is full of grace. and i have been living on his strength for the past few days. but like i said, so good.

"so i will very gladly spend everything i have for you, and expend myself as well." - the apostle paul

2 corinthians 12:15

nothing in my hands i bring...

i am emptied tonight.

one of my girl's "uncle" (i guess he was really her uncle... everyone seems to be related here) was killed in a shooting nearby last night.

the shooting deal is not unusual.

but tomorrow in our small group time we are talking about death, loss and grief. something these girls are very familiar with - being it shootings, stabbings, katrina, what have you.

most all of their questions during small group center around this concept of dying or death.

and i know that i have nothing to offer them.

it kills me. it isn't fair.

it's not fair that many of these girls have seen someone shot or stabbed.

it isn't fair that they fall asleep to the sound of people breaking into cars.

it isn't fair that they are born into these situations and raised to be violent and aggressive.

they are these beautiful innocent young girls. and i love them.

and god wants them.

and i know i have nothing to offer them. i am praying for humility as i address their questions tomorrow. and i pray that they will understand the compassion of god, the desire of god for them.

we live in a fallen world. it is the only explanation. i want to rescue them. and i know that my feelings are nothing compared to the brokenness of god over them.

down at the gulf

As soon as Michelle and I got back from ESL this morning, everyone was ready to leave to head to the coast to the day. We went to a fishing town called Grand Isle.

Everything there was just pretty deserted. There are lots of beach houses and things like that but of course no one was there. There were lots of signs that read something like, “BP, How are we supposed to feed our families?” and “BP, we’d rather be out fishing.” “BP, We want our beach back.”

Then we got to the beach and saw the oil in the water and all the boom and stuff they are using to clean up. There were lots of clean up crews and stuff.

But it was just quiet… and that’s probably what got to me more than anything. Because this beach is usually bustling this time of year, but there wasn’t anyone. And there are clumps of sand with oil in them and, you know, it just isn’t right.

You talk to people here and go there and you see how much it has just robbed people of their day to day lives.

It’s just not supposed to be this way, ya know?

clean up crews along the coast

oil in the water and on the sand